I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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