I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
