we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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