I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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