'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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