Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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