How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
