Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
