and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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