Non-Jews are for practice
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
