We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
