Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have post one night stand depression
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
