I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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