Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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