is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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