Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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