True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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