GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do herpes really smell.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
