I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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