just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
