im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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