fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
