Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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