im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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