moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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