Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
