i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
