Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have demons in me.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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