It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
