sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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