he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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