Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
