why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
