even my farts smell like vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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