Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
