I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
