1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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