I will die if light touches me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
