the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
