Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Will you blow on my dice?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
