I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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