pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.