Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am available for nakedness
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
