i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.