Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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