i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!