is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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