We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
