porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
