i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
