You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize