Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize