Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wanna go halves on a baby?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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