Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
