life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
