marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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