he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
