He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
