I hate all girls vehemently.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
