3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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