So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
