Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
