i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
