here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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