The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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