If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
