I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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