I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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