I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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