i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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