I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
