No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
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Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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