Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
