Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
