I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
